Living (here) Temporarily

I have been in America since June 2005. First, I lived in a two-bedroom apartment in Burlington, Vermont. Then, I moved to a one-bedroom in Glover Park, D.C. Next month, I will move to a studio in the Woodley Park area, which is only a 10-minute walk from work. All of the downsizing concepts occured organically, without a clear plan, but I hope this will turn out to be a good move for my husband and me.

When I was looking for an apartment, I was seeking a green space, a nice balcony, a short walk to work, a connection to the bike path, a good neighbourhood (safety), and lastly, a place near the metro. I found all of it. Nothing is perfect, though. It is both smaller and more expensive than any place that I have lived.

I appreciate the fact that life always has plus and minus sides. We are here temporarily. I have no complaints.

Moving is a beautiful prompt that helps me eliminate stuff that I don't actually need. It is a very interesting process to look at your own stuff that you have accumulated over the years. This stuff has claimed a certain significance at a particular time. Three years later, much of this stuff has almost lost its meaning, and is honestly not useful to me anymore. Things break or go out of date. I have accumulated newer stuff and found a noveau purpose for different things.

I want to define a way to live life healthily and with more balance, and I realize that, in fact, I need only a few things.

The whole weekend was devoted to decluttering our living space, making a trip to the Salvation Army, and cleaning the floor and suitcases. At the same time, I am learning to clean my mind deeply. I have more space to breathe clearly, feel a bit emptier and also happier.

There are tons of books, both used and new magazines, articles, posters, brochures, and newletters that I occasionally have grabbed from various places. They make great souvenirs from my trips. After some time, I am learning to diversify and glean certain things (what I have mentioned above) and put them into my writing immediately, using them, thinking about them, discussing them with people and trying not to stack them up in a tiny living space any more.

Fortunately, I will not be able to do that as the new place has a limited square number of feet and I have to use extreme caution on what I really want to keep. (Imagine that there are two people in s studio that is best designed for one person and they are both pack rats).

This will be very exciting and challenging for me (us).

My new studio apartment will again be temporary. It doesn't matter how long or how short I will be there. It is a sacred space where I will continue to live with less material, more thoughts, and live with a stronger purpose and with a more vibrant, empty, and quiet life (with a very short walk to work, which makes my heart sing joyfully).

Go green habitat,

TAN

Ramen , Pho and Pad-Thai

All of these noodles are the most nostaglic food for me.

Over the last few weeks, I ate, cooked and reheated them every other day. They are not only delicious but long and tasty. I cannot resist them.

It is not helpful to think of the authentic taste of the above dishes which I can find in Thailand. There are a few good D.C. shops that serve a decent Ramen, Pho and Pad-Thai.

Every meal, my focus is to enjoy the noodle moment as the broth, vegetables, meat and long noodles keep me engaged in every bowl. I have developed a special relationship with a Pad-Thai seller at a Chinese restaurant on P Street. I feel more mindful when I order these dishes and try to really taste the hidden ethnic flavor in each bowl. I love the sacred time when I eat Asian dishes. I feel like having a casual dialogue with my high school friends. I love the flavor and the nuances, which are inevitably good.

The chopsticks bring me the flow of soothing food for my stomach and my soul.

I love Ramen, Pho and Pad-Thai

TAN

WE ARE ONLY HUMAN

I read a poem by Mary Jo Bang, and my spirit is lifted, my breathe is sweeter, and I love to live my life once again.

Here is one of my favorites:
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WE ARE ONLY HUMAN

Nighttime amnesia.
The dream becoming
Cartoonish and mint-sequined.

A caboose climbing an emerald hill.
Daily we tend the garden.
Daily we weave

Our lashes like little flags
In a cordial wind. I? Who isn't
Ever I in a circular now.

The toothbrush is ready.
The mouth comes to meet it.
Life begins and goes on.

The fall is always waiting.
We're the alwasys drifting above.

by Mary Jo Bang

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Facebooked

Everyone(who is younger than 40 years old) who I know of at least has a Facebook page, including my husband (well, he is 42, but who's counting?) Wait, am I old school or what? I don't have Facebook.

"You don't have Facebook?" one of my husband's friends asked me in a joking tone, yet I felt weird to tell him the reality.

"No, I don't."

I felt embarassed and hesitated to share with friends or acquaincetances that I don't have a Facebook page. Such an old-school person like me, refusing to be on a network or be connected, be seen, be known of, or on another level, refusing to follow the current trend.

Hey, wait a minute ... I am blogging. I have a public journal. I am not completely old or old school. I select very carefully on what trend I would like to follow.

I have to admit that, being in a fast-paced technology-driven society, you have to be firm and strong on what kind of technology will facilitate your life, and not create an embrassing experience. Learn from technology and use it well to serve your purposes. I don't think you should struggle to keep pace with everything that is out there.

I am a Blogger, not a Facebooker.

TAN

People with Perceptions

On a late Friday afternoon this summer, I came to another conclusion (not new) that so many aspects in our lives are shaped by the people around us. To be specific, it doesn't mean that my thinking is influenced by other people's thinking, but that other people's opinions and thoughts provoke me to investigate the untapped section of my thinking.

For example, I read a blog from one of my American friends, who is a World Teach volunteer and serving in America Samoa in the South Pacific. She described in one of her blog entries that "the situation over there, like everything else on the island, is subject to change without notice..." Well, it is similar to Thailand. I am not at all surprised by the island perspective. I love that. However, I am surprised at myself that I have a reaction to that sentence now.

I'm not against that at all, but I do feel like I am an Islander in the big metro city.

As I observe my American life, I think "what would happen if things changed without notice." How would people react to that? Why cannot there be a different way of thinking, so that things will not necessary fall into traditional expectations? How much more time do we need to be informed and ready for change? How deep or silly will the discussion on the street be?

People, their thoughts, and their perceptions are stimulating to me. I grew up in a "change without notice!" zone (Thailand) but am now trying to live in a very systematic, rule-oriented world (USA). It is fun to juggle my own perceptions and find the right rhythm.

People and their perceptions excite me constantly.

TAN

Why do we travel?

I woke up on Sunday morning with the aforementioned question, "why do we travel?"

I dreamt of returning to Thailand and setting up a writer's center in my mom's hometown, Kalasin. The dream was sharp and the awakening from that prompted me to think of the human(and my own)journey.

I am yearning to go as far as I can in order to, finally, return to my (mom's) land to reconnect with my native roots, to reacquaint my soul with my childhood memories, to shred all of the toxic waste, to grow with clearer wisdom, to age with a much more refined spirit, to forgive myself and others, to give back to the land and people who I once belonged to, to live an engaging but simplistic life, to seek balance, to keep asking questions, and live my life twice.

When I was 22, I thought that traveling would be a path that would answer all of my questions. I was young and intrepid at that time. My thought was only partially right. Fourteen years after that, I have come to understand that my life journey generates more questions than giving me the answers I want to know. I never thought of that when I was young. I believed that the trip was a stage to help me form my inquisitive mind. Older now, and a bit wiser, I see the interesting paradox of travel.

In every journey, I travel with wonder and questions. I often end up with one or two answers at the end of each journey and also come up with several more questions.

That is why I travel.

TAN

Keep it Brief

Grief is deep. She is.
I found her yesterday.
Uninvited, unattended,
She brings pain.

Keep grief brief, really.
Her voice is truly powerful.
Her shape is sharp.
She offers tears, to my soul.

Grief is deep. With her twin,
I almost collapsed in her hands.
I was stunned, in silence.
She invites deep pain, beautifully.

Keep grief brief. Yes.
She brought the water to my eyes, both eyes.
She had a painful dialogue with me, briefly
I rebreathed as she left.

Keep grief brief.

TAN