Cultural Buffet

The "Cultural buffet" is my new observation about being in America. It refers to the multi-scenes of human interaction in this huge land.

I am offered an unlimited pass to enjoy this cultural buffet. It is my choice to accept or reject certain things since they are all in the buffet, huge in quantity and varying in quality.

I am observing myself reacting to this buffet. I have to control my appetite, and too much of it can spoil each unique taste while too little will not satisfy my curiosity.

TAN

What will happen?

What will happen if I follow my passion(s)?

I expect several open-ended answers. First, I would guarantee that I would pay attention to what I am doing since they are my passions and my passions have sophisticated reasons behind them.

Also, I would cope with all the challenges with a different set of mind. I would see all the opportunities that I could embrace. My mind would have wings and my heart would beat with joy.

I would realize the deep potential in me or try to dig deeper in order to release my true potential instead of having a social struture set an agenda for me. I would create my personal journey where passion would lead me to places that I might not know before.

I would be present with a joyful heart. Since I would not have any reasons left to lie to myself that there would be something else awaiting. I chose my trail and would be sure to enjoy the steps.

I would wake up every day with a deep sense of gratitude towards my surroundings, towards life and the ability to follow my passion. Then,I might perhaps be able to leave the world a bit better than I arrived. Or I might leave a legacy for young people to follow. In that case, life is worth living when you realize your passion (s), so you should work and walk toward that.

If you want to know what would happen if you follow your passion, then try to do that.

TAN

Nomad

I feel antsy; to be specific, I feel like a nomad.

My dream(s) are interrupted and they are calling me now. One of those dreams is to travel - to Latin America, Europe, Africa and other parts of the world, but only my imagination can take me there right now. My spirit keeps wandering back and forth between dreams and reality. My deeper desire is not only to see different places but to feel entirely different about life and its meaning.

My nomad spirit is probably nurtured by the feeling that I am on my way home, and I would like to make sure that I see the world enough before returning home again.

I am yearning to grow wiser and yearning to become a better person so that I can be anywhere with my roots more grounded.

TAN

Nature is so loudly quiet.

There are endless different sounds that I hear from walking gently in the forest. They are the invitation sounds to my solitude, the reflective sounds leading to the various beats of my journey, the inspiring sounds to explore my dream(s), the universal sounds that all humans can connect to, and the sounds of deep silence that surprisingly is very loud.

It is loud and I can hear that clearly because I am ready to listen and nature stands still, inviting me to hear her language. I am not so sure what language it is. It is another sign language that you can hear powerfully when you walk quietly into the forest.

Walk, be quiet, listen, reflect and you will find out so many answers from the unanswered questions in life.

TAN

Take A Leap

Writing, to me, is about taking a leap from tumultuous and interrupted fantasies into a convincing set of words that can shock and change the world. Writing (a second language) is one of the hardest and also hard-earned skills that stubborn people keep pursuing. After years of practice, some people create a masterpiece and can claim a "writer's status" while others are still shy and struggle to find sophisticated words, perhaps until his or her final breath.

I am stubborn and will put myself into the latter group.

Writing, to me, is therapeutic, and it fills the empty spaces with the sacred and lonely world of words. Words often follow me, but good thoughts or great ideas often sleep or take a sabbatical, somewhere. On a lucky and happy day, I can manage to match random words with brilliant ideas well. The truth is that the majority of my days, recently, don't always allow me to achieve at least a bit of what I would like to be able to write.

Writing, to me, is another form of communication to the world outside me. Whether the communication is successful or not is another subject to be discussed. This form of communication takes a quantum leap of faith to be successful. I stumble and stagger when writing, as my words, sometimes unclear, jump up and down like little kids bouncing on a trampoline. I don't know whether switching to write in my native language (Thai) would solve this puzzle. I am not sure whether my second language command is sharper than my native tongue. I have to find ways to communicate this mystery.

Writing, to me, is about taking a great leap, starting from an undisclosed and unscrutinized set of words in my crazy mind to set up a stage or pattern, a stage where those words are organized to become a new surprisingly good discourse when it is well done. (and I must admit, two shots of a dark Espresso really helps).

I think of writing as taking a great leap because it takes me years and years to finally decide to write. To sit down and work my way, putting all of those naughty words into a sentence, like layering each brick to build a mud house.

TAN

The World (in me), Part 2

Life with different shades of experience is worth exploring and embracing. The world in me, in this chapter, is full of great and unexpected memories, yet is always sweet at the end of my tongue.

I will start to summarize my experience from the present and go backwards to when I first arrived this country. This journey is sacred and has an endless magic.

Today, in fact, was one of the best days of this year. I took my ESL class for a field trip at Eastern Market, in northeast DC. My world was reflective as soon as I let the students start their journey. I waved good-bye to them and reminded them to complete their tasks and enjoy the journey. Thirteen of them made me think of my own life in exploring this world.

Metaphorically, I summarized my few years of living here in America, and the students voiced my summary this afternoon. They did not know or plan to do that. Somehow I started to make a connection.

I started to make a connection with my students' lives. Maria and Jose work at a fast food restaurant, from 5:30 a.m. to 11 p.m. everyday. They make minimum wage, living an unnegotiated life but are forced to continue. Since the future is unknown, it is better to be in the present and adjust to it than not doing anything. Siti told me that if I am happy with what I am doing, that when I die, I will go to heaven! Carlos, Maria, Yesania and Daniel really enjoyed seeing people from all over the world, at the market. Ovidio reported that he practiced English a little but he was happy to go out and do different things. Roberto ran to a Salvadorian restaurant to get his afternoon snack and I reminded him to practice English. Jose spoke very limited English but put a great effort in trying to answer my questions. I really enjoyed all of the small dialogue that I had with each of them and, to be honest, what really mattered is that their confidence and comfort level of being in this English-speaking country increased, bit by bit, day by day.

Now back to my life. It is chunks of my experience that sometimes have discouraged me from seeing the big and wonderful picture of each step that I leave with my footprints here, in the American dirt. But those chunks can be a test, like the basic class for my adult students at Eastern Market.

After being, among other things, a baker, a social worker at a family shelter, and a Program Director at a non-profit in D.C., I can look back and appreciate the strengths and the weaknesses that I have faced. I cannot go back, can only move forward with a newer, greater sense of appreciation that life is, indeed, composed of a sacred journey with twists and turns.

The most important thing is that I am still alive, healthy, happy and I will keep reflecting on this everyday sacred journey.

TAN