Grumpy Immigrant

Waking up every morning, my mind wonders to the Far East, Thailand.

I see myself as a grumpy immigrant. I like this title.

Without passport or air tickets, the mind travels back endlessly to one's native soil. It also travels back to America before I know it (and runs away before I know it as well).

This thing called, "mind" that jumps back and forth from place to place, with no destination and no conclusion. I keep breathing and breathing, and still find myself tangled in the grumpiness. Someday, I just want to go to another country ... not Thailand, not America, but another world somewhere.

I am not totally happy in America.

I don't mean that I am always happy in Thailand. I guess it is a separate issue.

I don't intend to criticize anything, anywhere, or anyone. I am just easily grumpy in America. That is, I find myself feeling moody easily ...

When things don't turn out the way I would like them to be.

When I have to choose between a million kinds of apples in the supermarket, when I just want an apple!

When I order a tall Cappucino at Starbucks and realize that, with that money, I could buy three plates of pad-thai in Thailand.

When I can't find pants that fit me. They are either too tight or too loose.

When I couldn't afford to bring the unfitted pants to the tailor.

When Ihave a weird appetite (I eat all the time), because I never feel "full."

When I put on extra pounds in the cold season for my body to stay warm (and I can't find any pants that fit me).

When I have to work full-time in order to maintain financial stability to be proud of myself (I am not sure what I mean by this statement).

When I want to travel abroad but don't have the money and time to do so (someday, I will break this cycle and just travel).

When I have to answer the same set of questions (Where are you from? How long have you been here? Do you miss Thailand? ... and of course, what is your name?)

When people ask for my name and immediately forget that!

When I am completely silent in my thoughts because I am so exhausted speaking a foreign language.

And I can keep listing more things in America that bother me because I am a grumpy immigrant.

TAN