Chaotic Consciousness

I came up with a term, "chaotic consciousness," as part of my observation of the immigrant life in America. In fact, it is an observation of my own life.

My third year in America is approaching in a month and I don't really know what to feel. Is it just another year? Do I actually feel better acquainted with "American culture?" Do I choose to be who I am or try to be who I "don't" think that I am?

I am asking both sensible and nonsensible questions of myself. My mood is shifting from a great appreciation of having a chance to work and live abroad and feeling very lonely and homesick. This is a part of merging in this social context in which many of the people here come from other parts of the world as well.

There is a constant flow of chaos and I am aware of this. Someday, I wake up with a renewed sense of energy, and on other days I wish to be in a fresh market in Thailand.

I always live with more than one perspective and that means I have chaotic consciousness in my world.

TAN